A Mother's Love
by xmellyxox
Summary: when Rachel loses her baby in series 1, it is Gill who is there to support her. ONE SHOT. please review!


**One shot between Gill and Rachel; set just after Rachel loses the baby in series 1! Please review! **

**XxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxX xxXxxXxxX**

_I'm pregnant. I'm having a baby. I just thought you should know._

Rachel re-lived that conversation. It hurt her so much. She sat on her own in her flat, knees bunched up to her chest as she sobbed into a bottle of the finest wine. _What had she turned into?_

Nick cheating; losing her baby; costing the court case. Gill wasn't too happy either.

_If I find out you had anything to do with this; you will walk through that door for the last time._

XxxXxxX

Gill sat at home, wishing she could have done something to help. Poor Rachel, she's not had any easy life. The thing that hurt Gill the most, was the fact she had shouted; lost her temper; threatened to chuck Rachel off MIT. She didn't ask how she was, hug her. The evil boss came over – thoughtless and unaware of the other rising feelings.

Gill walked upstairs; sneaking into the spare bedroom as to not wake Sammy. It wasn't particularly late, but lately Sammy had been going to bed awfully early. Gill blamed it on the fact school was putting too much pressure on the students to do well.

She moved a few of the boxes that lay dormant in the corner of the room. She lifted the small tin box that was pushed up against the wall, and popped off the cover. She stroked over the photo that lay on top.

A baby scan.

Gill began to remember; what it was like. That day. She knew how Rachel must have been feeling now. The difference was, Gill had Dave to fall back on. Rachel had no-one.

Gill pushed the boxes away further, creating a gap against the wall for her to slide into. She fell against the wall with a thud, a single tear escaping.

She shouldn't have done it. She should have focused on her home life, rather than her career. Everyone kept telling her to take it easy; to not wear herself out.

The man.

The man Gill went to arrest.

The man that turned around and lashed out, knocking Gill into a table which then broke.

The pain that soared through the detective's body didn't stop. All the way to the hospital, even once the miscarriage was complete. It wasn't the physical pain anymore, it was the mental pain.

Another tear escaped from Gill's left cheek as she packed the photo back in its box. There was only Gill that remembered that date. Dave had cleared off with his fancy woman, Sammy was growing up with a life of his own, and he was too young to remember anything anyway.

She packed the boxes tightly back up the corner, wiping her face on her sleeve. She stood up, and exited the room, heading down the stairs and into the kitchen. She scribbled a quick note to Sammy in case he woke up hungry, and grabbed her coat, before heading out of the door.

XxxXxxX

Rachel had managed to pull herself together for a few minutes, before remembering the events that had occurred. The knock at the door startled Rachel. _Who would be calling around at this time? _

"Rachel, hello" Gill said, looking past Rachel to see what state her flat was in.

"Er hi…Boss" Rachel replied, rubbing her cheek furiously, trying to remove the mascara mark.

"Can I come in? Please don't call me boss tonight either. I want to apologise, for how I acted the other day. I didn't mean it, I was just angry the Stelikos case fell through. It was my responsibility to make sure my officers are safe, whether it is at home or at work, and I failed." Gill replied, barging past Rachel anyway and throwing her bag on the sofa and removing her coat.

Rachel just shook her head and closed the door, turning to face her boss. "You have nothing to apologise for, it was my doing as well, and I promise it will never happen again"

"How are you coping?" Gill asked sympathetically.

"I'm ok thanks" Rachel replied, offering a fake smile.

"And the real answer?" Gill pushed.

"I don't know-"Rachel broke off and bit her lip, leaving a tear to escape.

Gill pulled Rachel into a hug and walked her over to the sofa, sitting her down and offering her a tissue.

Rachel sniffed and broke down, covering Gill's sleeves in black marks. Gill could feel tears welling up inside her as well, remembering her own struggle through everything. She sniffed at the same time as Rachel, causing her to look up and see her boss with puffy eyes.

"I just miss it so much" Rachel cried. "I only knew about it for a few weeks, but it was my future. My concrete future"

"I know I know" Gill replied, swallowing her feelings.

"What's the matter?" Rachel asked, sitting up and wiping her nose.

"Oh nothing. It doesn't matter… It will get better I promise you" Gill replied quietly.

"How do you know that? It feels like someone has torn out my heart!" Rachel shrieked.

"I just do. I-I'm good with knowing things" Gill stuttered.

"What is the real reason Gill?" Rachel asked, feeling Gill breathe in.

"I have been through all of this. Losing a child. A couple of years after I had Sammy, I was expecting a little girl. Something went wrong during an arrest and I ended up in hospital for a few days. I recovered but my girl didn't." Gill replied solemnly.

"Oh Gill I'm so sorry" Rachel said, patting her hand.

Gill sniffed; "It…the pain was too much. There was something wrong, an unlinking problem apparently. They…they had to cut my…I can't…I can't have any more children"

Gill looked up at Rachel with blurred vision.

She remembered how Dave blamed her; saying it was her fault they had lost the child, how if she hadn't have been so focused on her career they would have been able to have more children…be a proper family.

"I have always wanted a daughter" Gill added.

Rachel cuddled back into the smaller woman, her head resting on Gill's chest.

This was the first time in years Rachel had felt so loved, cuddling up on the sofa. She missed having a mother figure around; one that actually cared.

"How have you come out so strong? I mean, after – after all you have been through, with the baby, Dave?"

"I don't know. The one thing I do know is I drank an awful lot of alcohol, which is why I am not going to let you. It will catch up with you Rachel it honestly will, I got help. I needed it. Janet was there for me throughout Dave, and Julie has always been there for me. I am here for you now. So we will start by sending you to bed, whilst I tidy up this place. It looks like a bomb has hit it." Gill commanded.

Rachel smirked a little, before standing up and shuffling off to bed. She fell to sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Gill popped her head around the door half an hour later, and smiled to herself as she watched the brunette fast asleep. She crept across the floor, panicking whenever she stepping on a creaky floorboard. She grabbed the blanket that was on the chair next to the bed and placed it over Rachel, tucking in the ends to keep her warm.

Gill bent down and kissed Rachel's forehead, before creeping back out of the room and closing the door.

She carried on tidying, removing all the hidden bottles of alcohol Rachel had hidden in the cupboards.

Gill tutted to herself as she filled the recycle bin with different bottles. She cleared out the cupboards and got rid of any out-of-date foods and products. Gill knew she had to move on. She had to help Rachel overcome this, and the only way that could happen would be if Gill herself was sober.

She grabbed the spare key off the side of the counter and snook out of the door, heading towards the nearest shops to buy some more food. Given that all was left in Rachel's fridge were mangy pieces of cheese, sour tasting milk and mouldy fruit and vegetables, Gill thought she had better replenish.

Rachel was a good kid, her heart was in the right place, and although they didn't always see eye to eye, Gill knew Rachel was a lovely person, and soon enough would make some man the luckiest man to be alive.

XxxXxxX

Gill arrived back at the flat 20 minutes later. She had bought enough food to last a lifetime, and hoped Rachel would appreciate it.

Not wanting to wake the sleeping beauty, Gill decided to leave the hovering, and to get on with cooking their meal.

She didn't know what had come over her: the other day she was shouting at this poor woman, telling her she was on wafer thin ice, and if she out one more foot out of line Rachel would feel the full force of Gill and her power…now she was cooking tea, forgetting about all of her own problems and focusing on getting this girls life back on track.

Rachel awoke an hour later, at the smell of smoke and the fact the fire alarm was pounding in her ears. She walked out of her bedroom to see Gill with Rachel's apron on, saying "domestic goddess", waving frantically at the smoke alarm with a tea towel.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked, rubbing her head. One hours sleep was not long enough.

"I'm cooking-"

"More like burning-" Rachel interrupted

"Hush down!" Gill squeaked. "I am cooking you food, which you are going to eat"

Rachel nodded as she made her way over to the table, sitting down.

"Thank you for this Gill. I am really sorry about everything…and about your baby." Rachel whispered, grabbing hold of Gill's hand

Gill nodded in response, she knew if she said anything, those tears would come back.

They held that glance for a while, Rachel squeezing Gills hand in support…


End file.
